10 Shocking Secrets of the First Year of Marriage

That's the title of a Bride's magazine article this month. I've been married for just over a year, and no, I'm not a loser still pining over bridal magazines..that ship has sailed and I moved on. But, I heard this article mentioned on a radio show on my commute in to work this morning, which was a ghastly 70 minutes due to traffic for no apparent reason...the worst kind!

So, I thought..let's see how the Allans measure up...and if Bride's magazine knows what they're talking about!

I loved their opening line....

"Think that your first year as newlyweds will be total bliss? Of course it will—but even paradise comes with surprises. Here's what to expect!"

1. THE SHOCK: You'll gain a little love weight.
I'm glad to say this is a big NO. My husband calls me the food warden because I won't let him eat a bag of Stacy's Pita Chips in one sitting. My sister jokes and tells me my house is a food prison. So be it!!! I'm health conscious and will snack on the occasional bag of mini whoppers left over from Halloween, but if it's not in your house you won't eat it. I'm proud to say that Mr. Allan is probably -5lbs from our wedding day and at most I've gained maybe 3lbs. Eat that Bride magazine.

2. THE SHOCK: Your B-list buds will go MIA
Another  big negative in the Allan house. We were some of the dead last of our friends to get married. So, marriage hasn't made my friends go B list...my friends having kids have made me go B list..but, hey, I understand..it happens.

3. THE SHOCK: Your sex life will be off the charts—sometimes.
My mom reads this blog, so I'm invoking my privilege against self incrimination...aka I'm pleading the 5th on this one..sorry

4. THE SHOCK: You won't unpack your china for six months.
Actually I was smart enough not to register for china..my grandma handed hers down to me..but we're using it for Thanksgiving this year...it's the first time its seen the light of day in 2 years.

5. THE SHOCK: You'll do the dishes; your husband will fix stuff.
Although I do consider myself one hell of an independent I can do anything including using a drill and taking a closet door off (tonight's activities!) we do fall into the manly and womanly roles with our household duties. i cook and clean and Mr. Allan takes the trash out, mows the lawn, leaf blows, and hangs new interior doors. While I hate washing the dishes, it beats taking out the stupid trash.

6. THE SHOCK: Even though you'll have two paychecks, you'll still feel broke.
This is hard. We've yet to combine our money. I wanted a clean break up of my single checking account. We're currently paying off credit card debt. I see the light at the end of the tunnel with this stupid debt. Once it's paid off, we will combine. But, Mr. Allan totally cramped my luxurious single lifestyle of shopping. So, while I'm not hitting the mall afterwork and buying the newest things at Banana and Ann Taylor, we're not really eating Ramen Noodles every night wondering how we're paying for the cable bill. So, I don't feel broke, my husband has just taught me to be a financially responsible person. He tries to drill into my head that we can't afford certain things but his reverse psychology mumbo jumbo doesn't work on this smart chick.

7. THE SHOCK: You won't want to spend every moment with your new husband
No offense to Mr. Allan, but, yeah, this wore off after a year of dating.

8. THE SHOCK: You'll go to bed mad, even though you vowed not to—ever
So true. This was the old school advice that your weird great aunts gave you at the wedding. Yeah, sometimes I'm mad and a girl needs her beauty sleep. While Mr. Allan and I don't fight too often, when there are disagreements, I have gone to bed upset...I usually put on the crappiest tv show and wrangle the cats in the bedroom with me so he knows I mean business. I can say, however, that I've never really been mad at Mr. Allan for more than 24 hours.

9. THE SHOCK: Being a wife won't mean you'll instantly have skills worthy of an Iron Chef.
Hello...I already have mad skills...so, no, marrying Mr. Allan didn't do anything special for me in the kitchen..since I'm already a baking queen that puts Martha to shame sometimes

10. THE SHOCK: The world will feel like a better place.
Call me a hopeless romantic...but just having Mr. Allan in my life makes it a better place. He's the calm to my crazy and the patience I never seem to have...so I didn't really need a paper saying we're married to make the world feel like a better place!